Conversations: Connection

Preface
This series of entries comes from various thoughts, struggles, and questions I’ve had on my walk with God. Most times, these entries have been a solemn monologue I’ve had in times of quiet or in places of weakness. Other times, these entries were God’s way of dialoguing with me. As I brought my questions before Him, He showed me the truth that I was seeking. Of course, there were times when what I thought was true turned out to be vastly different from what He calls truth. With Him being Truth itself, I have chosen to put my untrue flesh to death in the hope that it will be revived in that real Truth. For the sake of making this more readable, I’ve decided to break one large entry into a series of smaller entries. Hopefully, these entries will bring to light the questions you have kept in the dark and open new avenues of conversation between you and the Father.

Connection

Perhaps all of this is by design—the episodic revealing of Yourself to me. Each revelation feels like a delicate stroke on the canvas of my understanding, painting a masterpiece of truth that I am only beginning to grasp.

If You were to reveal Your entirety all at once, the sheer magnitude of the chasm between us would likely drive me away in fear. I would retreat into the comfort of ignorance, clinging to the familiar confines of my limited perspective. You know my mind is weak, filled with doubts and hesitations. And You know my pride—though slowly melting away like frost under the morning sun—is still too strong for my own good, stubbornly clutching to false notions of self-sufficiency I’ve built over the years.

The Abrasive Patience of God

Your patience is abrasive. Like sandpaper, Your steady gaze scrapes away the dead surface I’ve hidden behind for so long. Beneath it lies the tender, raw, unrefined layers I’ve avoided facing. But You press on, inviting me to confront uncomfortable truths I’ve long buried, ultimately pushing me toward growth I never thought possible.

As You reveal Yourself, I find that the closer I get to You, the more of me is burned away in the refining fire of Your presence. Like gold purified in the flames, this process is painful, yet transforming. It is reshaping me into something more precious, something more aligned with Your purity.

In this journey, I am coming to terms with how wildly dissimilar we are—and yet, in that dissimilarity, I’ve discovered a profound connection. It’s a bond that transcends our differences, intricately woven into the fabric of my being. You designed it that way from the beginning of time. My need and Your supply: an ever-growing hunger for love met by Your endless, all-satisfying provision.

Love Beyond Measure

But it’s not just love You offer. In seeking You, I’ve found a fruit that satisfies hungers I didn’t even know I had. Your provision enriches my soul beyond affection—it brings joy, insight, belonging, and a peace I’ve longed for without knowing how to name it.

Perhaps it wasn’t ignorance that kept these desires hidden but fear—fear of truth. Now, confronted by the illuminating essence of Your Truth, things once buried are unearthed. They crawl from the shadows, raw and exposed, shining brighter than I ever imagined possible.

In Your Light, no shadow can remain. It reveals every secret, every fear I’ve clung to, forcing me to confront who I am and who I could become without the chains of ignorance and denial. A man cannot see himself clearly in a dirty mirror. The reflection is distorted, clouded by years of accumulated suffering. Only when You reveal our true reflection do we understand our brokenness.

A man doesn’t know he’s sick until he sees what health looks like. And in that stark realization, the dissonance between the two becomes painfully clear. But where there is a chasm, there is also a Bridge Builder.

The Great Bridge Builder

You are that Bridge Builder—the embodiment of love, truth, light, peace, and joy. I’ve sought counterfeits of these things and found them fleeting, superficial. They always left me yearning for something deeper.

But You transcend all those false promises. You don’t just satisfy my desires; You engulf them completely. You awaken emotions I didn’t know I could feel. You fill my days with joy and illuminate even the darkest moments with hope, showing me that beauty can be found in any circumstance.

Your presence is my strength. In Your Light, I find courage to grow and trust that You are in control. You offer a deep sense of belonging and acceptance, one that tells me real living isn’t a distant dream—it’s a reality found in communion with You.

Here, every heartbeat carries Your love, and every breath nurtures a connection that transcends time and space.

The Beginning of Finding You

This is just the start of my journey to find You. The more I surrender, the more of You I uncover. Each step reveals a deeper understanding of love, grace, and goodness that surpasses everything I’ve believed before.

As I let go of my resistance, I feel the warmth of Your presence drawing me closer. It invites me to embrace this transformation with open arms and an open heart.

I am finding You, and in that, I am finding everything.